While You Were Sleeping
by PhoenixOwnsTheNight
Summary: STATE OF GRACE. Terry/Kathleen/Some Jackie. Terry's thoughts before leaving to kill Frank after Jackie's death.


**CHAPTER 1**

Jackie was dead. His best friend. The one who always had his back no matter what. The only one Terry would have bled for, fought for, or even died for... He was gone. Dead and buried. Jackie Flannery is dead. Those words were still sinking in for Terry Noonan as he sat up in bed, eyes closed, back of his head against the iron headboard in the dumpy motel room.

His fists clenched open and shut as Frank's face at the wake flashed in and out of his memory. That son of a bitch. He had looked up to him as a child. Both he and Jack. He was always some sort of a God in their eyes. Someone who could never be hurt, and if he was, the other guy always hurt more. He had committed an immortal sin. Looking his own little brother in the eye and killing him in cold blood. And for what? Because of a goddamn turf war he would never win. It made him sick to his stomach that he wanted to be him once.

He would pay for it. Terry would make sure of that. He opened the drawer on the bedside table and felt around for a moment, running his hand over the cool, hard metal. Since he'd come back to Hell's Kitchen, he'd been doing that more and more. Checking to see if the gun was still there. 95 percent of the time he expected someone to break down the door and start blasting away. This was as good a time as any to worry. Frank knew what he was now. What he'd really been doing all of these weeks. Terry didn't feel as bad about it anymore. The only thing he felt bad about was Jackie... and of course, Kathleen.

Kathleen. The name itself could bring him to his knees. He never liked having a weakness. Not even Jack was a weakness to Terry, but that was only because Jack would never let himself be a weakness for anybody but himself. That was his porogative. Weakness equals death. That's what Frank used to tell them when they were kids. But if he was honest with himself, Kathleen had always been the weakness for all of them. She had this innocent aura about her that made them want to fiercly protect her from everything. But she was also strong as hell. Never letting anyone tell her that she wasn't good enough or that she couldn't achieve something that she wanted.

"No, no... Don't go, please." a voice murmured softly in the darkness. "Jackie."

Terry placed his hand gently on Kathleen's back. She had been having nightmares ever since she fell asleep next to him. She had shown up at the motel room only a few hours before.

His heart nearly stopped when he saw her through the peep hole standing in the hallway. Half of the fear came from the fact that a gun was cocked and ready to fire in one hand, and the other half came from seeing her in such bad shape. Her face looked blue, like it was frozen. Her hair was damp from the rain, and her mascara was running down her pale cheeks. She was still wearing the clothes from Jackie's wake. Why she chose to only seek comfort from Terry by treking through this neighborhood at this time of night was beyond him, but he was glad she had come. He needed someone just as much as she did.

Despite that, they hadn't done anything. The thought never crossed his mind. He let her cry on his shoulder, as she told him how much she would miss having Jack around, despite what a pain in the ass he was. How much she loved him, cared for him, and hoped that he knew. They had grown apart since she moved uptown and away from the small community. "I had to get out." She sobbed. "I couldn't stay here anymore. I had to have my own life, away from them. I couldn't take it, Terry. I just couldn't."

"He did." Terry promised her, stroking her long hair. "He knew. That took guts for you to take a chance and start over like that. He was proud a'you. Even if he didn't say it."

Kathleen looked up at him expectantly. "You think so?"

"Yeah, I do." He assured her. "He loved you, Katie. You were one of the only things in his life that was still pure." And with that, she layed her head on his chest and fell asleep.

The sun was starting to come up. It was almost time. Jack had to be avenged. There was no debate in Terry's mind about that. If he didn't do something, all of this would have been for nothing, and that wasn't something he could live with for the rest of his life. Hopefully, Kathleen would accept what he had to do. Maybe he wouldn't tell her. Frank's list of enemies who wanted him dead went on for miles. No, she would know it was him. She was too smart for that.

Guess that's something else Terry would have to live with.

--fin

**NOTE TO READERS:** I am thinking of starting up a series of shorts (or some longer stories... whatever I get ideas for) of the adventures of Terry/Kathleen/Jackie as teenagers. PM me if you're interested in writing with me, or have any ideas :)


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